”You’re not quitting today. You’ve signed up for this, and you make sure to complete it. No arguments. Now go change to your football clothes.”
One thing that my mother thought me, and she really got this through to me: you don’t quit in the middle of something. Never, ever. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard her say the things above as I’ve tried to quit whatever. Sometimes football, sometimes homework and sometimes engagement in projects. Whatever the matter, you don’t quit in the middle of it.
I think that’s a deeply powerful thought. Sometimes it’s been quite liberating to me even, as I didn’t have that option to quit as so often seems to be an easy way out. I mean, when there’s a snow storm out, knowing you’re not going to see the other side of the football bitch for all the snow, not having the option to quit is a pretty good thing in order to keep going. It builds grit and persistence, two key factors for me being where I am today.
Not having the option can be liberating, but it can equally be repressive if you’re struggling with something that you’re trying to get out of. I think that the option to quit is very much needed in most cases, as we need to be able to redirect energy to things that feel more important.
The conflict as I see it, is this. Quitting because of a short term dip can feel liberating, but you don’t see the progress or the rewards of staying. Not quitting because of hopes for long term rewards or teachings can feel like the right thing, but the rewards or teachings may never come.
I see one solution to this, and it goes very much with what my mom thought me. Either quit immediately, or set a time limit for yourself in order to give the activity a chance.
If one sticks to this, the want for the short term “this feels like shit, I don’t wanna play football in the bloody snow today” is avoided as long as the limit for your frame of giving the activity is just within that snowy period. You get the benefits of growing grit as you’re probable to face some dips and hard times as you stick to your activity. You also get to opt out before starting, which lets you be conscious about your decision. You can reflect upon whether or not you have the time, engagement or the energy to start something new, and to give it your all.
When I started Brazilian jiujitsu, I failed to think about these things. Horribly. So I started out, buying a 3 month membership for my club after having tried the sport twice. Almost all things are fun twice. After a couple of weeks, I started to get in to some kind of dip. Everything got harder and as BJJ is a martial art, I got my as whooped at times. It felt really shitty going to the practice, and I had practically no motivation. So just after I bought the second 3 moth membership, the thought of quitting hit me. And it wouldn’t let go. It came by before, during and after each practice session. I started coming up with excuses not to go. And so I went less and less, until I just stopped.
In those kinds of cases, and especially with BJJ, one needs to set a proper time frame where total commitment is unquestioned. Brazilian jiujitsu is famous for having a really slow learning curve, as it usually takes about 2 years going from a white to a blue belt. One needs a whole lot of commitment in order to persevere for two full years. Especially when you get your ass kicked almost literally for those two years. Laying with your face to the mat being strangled by a guy almost double your weight, the last thing you need is the thought of quitting. At least if you want to build grit.
Be conscious of your quitting. I haven’t been for the last year, which has made for a whole lot of half hearted projects and commitments. Don’t do that to yourself.